Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
