I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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