My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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