the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
