So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
