I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
