I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
