cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
