i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
