I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
