and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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