I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
