how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
