no, he came in my armpit
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Found your dick twin last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
