Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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