ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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