Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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