I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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