also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
