had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
