I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
