chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
