Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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