the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
