I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
