You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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