How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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