i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
