It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
