Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
