I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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