you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
