God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
