i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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