if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
