He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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