There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
