he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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