East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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