what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
