I feel great
I just peed on a car
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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