careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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