Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have already put on my inside pants.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
