4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
