someone threw a dead crab at me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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