ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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