Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
