If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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