i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
