my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
