I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
