my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
